The Invisible Third Rail

Envy is an almost invisible third rail in social life. In a sense it's analogous to gravity. We go through our daily lives focusing more on how to satisfy our immediate physical and emotional needs. Most physics on earth is dominated by the electromagnetic and nuclear forces. But gravity is always there: seldom strong enough to be noticed, but persistent and far-reaching enough to drastically alter relationships over time and space.

The Physics of Envy

Gravity shapes the universe through attraction between masses. Envy shapes human relationships through comparison between lives. Both forces seem to be:

• Always present but usually imperceptible in daily interactions
• Cumulative in their effects over long periods
• Stronger when objects are closer (you rarely envy strangers on other continents)
• Capable of creating catastrophic collapse when critical thresholds are crossed

The physicist John Wheeler said "spacetime tells matter how to move; matter tells spacetime how to curve."

People tell us what we should envy; envy tells us what we should desire.

The Social Media Amplifier

Before social media, envy had natural limits. We could only compare ourselves to people we actually knew or occasionally saw. Our reference group was maybe a few hundred people -- the Dunbar number.

Social media has extended the range of envy. Suddenly we're comparing our internal experience to everyone else's highlight reel. Not just our neighbors or classmates, but their entire extended networks. The comparison set exploded from hundreds to tens of thousands.

Instagram made it worse by optimizing for visual impact. LinkedIn added professional comparison. TikTok fosters envy around creativity and youth. Each platform expands a different dimension of comparison.

The result? We're now comparing ourselves across virtually unlimited reference groups, 24/7, with algorithmically optimized content designed to capture attention through emotional reaction.

The Gravo-Thermal Catastrophe

In astrophysics, there's something called a gravo-thermal catastrophe. As a star cluster evolves, gravity causes the most massive stars to sink toward the center while lighter stars get ejected to the periphery. This process accelerates: the denser the core becomes, the faster it attracts more mass.

Social media platforms exhibit a similar dynamic. The most successful, attractive, or wealthy users naturally accumulate more followers and engagement. This creates a dense "core" of highly visible people surrounded by billions in the periphery, watching.

The mega-influencers become increasingly concentrated and isolated in their elite circles. Regular users get frustrated and leave for other platforms or abandon social media entirely. The platform loses its broad user base and becomes just a small cluster of celebrities talking to each other. Eventually the platform dies or becomes irrelevant.

As John Baez observes:

To prevent the sphere from exploding due to the ever-rising pressure inside, you may decide to make it larger. This will help -- but not for long. The pressure will drop at first. But the central cluster will keep getting hotter, and heating up all the stars around it. Eventually the pressure will rise again.

Seems bad.

The Pretense of Invisibility

We've built an entire culture around pretending envy doesn't exist. We call it "inspiration" or "motivation." We say we're "happy for" successful friends -- and we are, but not without a sense of longing for similar rewards and recognition. Yet we attribute whatever discomfort we feel to anything else -- algorithms, politics, economic systems -- rather than acknowledging the simple human emotion of wanting what others have.

This denial makes envy more powerful, not less. Unacknowledged forces tend to operate through indirect channels. Envy becomes passive aggression, virtue signaling, political tribalism, or depression.

Consider how often social and political movements might really be about envy. Not always -- there are many genuine injustices in the world. But more often than we might want to admit, it is envy that provides the emotional fuel for turning policy disagreements into moral crusades.

The Comparison Trap

Is not envy an important part of the complex dynamics of what René Girard called "mimetic desire"? Often we want things because others want them, not because we independently value them -- or at least not as highly as we independently value them. What Robert Frank calls positional goods are thus a manifestation of the gravity of envy.

You see a friend's vacation photos and suddenly your own life feels inadequate. A colleague gets promoted and you question your career choices. Someone's wedding looks perfect and your relationship feels insufficient.

The trap is that comparison is infinite. There's always someone richer, more attractive, more successful, more creative, living in a better place, with a better partner, having more fun. The only winning move is not to play.

But we can't stop playing because these platforms are designed to be addictive. They exploit our social comparison instincts for profit.

Natural Defenses

Human societies evolved natural defenses against envy. Traditional cultures often emphasize:

• Gratitude practices that focus attention on what you have
• Community rituals that reinforce shared identity over individual status
• Sumptuary laws or social norms limiting conspicuous consumption
• Emphasis on character over circumstances as the measure of worth

Modern life has eroded most of these defenses while simultaneously amplifying the triggers for envy.

Personal Solutions

The most effective defense against envy is probably the oldest: control your reference group.

Unfollow people whose lives make you feel inadequate. This isn't about avoiding successful people -- it's about avoiding the psychological trap of constant comparison. You can admire others' achievements without subjecting yourself to daily reminders of what you lack.

Curate your information diet as carefully as your food diet. Just as you wouldn't eat cotton candy for every meal, don't consume social media content that reliably makes you feel worse about your life.

Focus on your own trajectory rather than relative position. Are you learning? Growing? Contributing? Improving? The person you were last year is the only meaningful comparison.

A Path Forward

Envy is part of human nature. We can't eliminate it any more than we can eliminate gravity. But we can design systems that account for its effects rather than amplify them.

The first step is acknowledging that envy exists and affects everyone. The second is recognizing how modern technology has amplified ancient psychological patterns in potentially destructive ways.

The third is choosing, both individually and collectively, to build systems that work with human psychology rather than against it.

Because unlike gravity, envy is a force we can consciously decide how to channel.